Leaving It Up

This morning I posted a blog post to facebook that I had written two weeks ago. I'm still playing catch-up, because I was writing blog posts way before I went live. Even longer before I connected the website to facebook. So each day I've been featuring on facebook an old blog post until we get current. After I post I reread what I've posted, because I sometimes can barely remember what it was about. And I try to see it through the eyes of others. The one featured this morning is entitled, 'Tuesday Morning'. I put it up early. Then I read it. And then I almost took it down. The writing featured today is personal. Painfully personal. Several of them have been. And I struggle as I reveal myself in that way. I have always been a very private person. Through the years I have gotten very good at giving of myself without sharing the secret places of my heart. My heart holds secrets. It always has from the time I was a very little girl. And I've always been careful to guard them very closely. Keeping guard so that no one gets hurt. Being protective of the people that I love. But the Lord has shown me in recent days and weeks and months that the person who I was really protecting was me. And He's asking something different from me now. I know that it is easier to read about the DMV and eighteen-year-old boys touching my backside than it is to read about my struggles with the Lord. It's more fun to talk about throw up and getting hit in the head with a softball than to witness through words my terror in the night. But the Lord is asking of me a new thing. And I know that there are others just like me that God is helping through all of this. I get messages every day. Messages that make me press on. It's not like I could quit anyway. I really only answer to one Person now. And He's really tough to say no to. At least for me. And so, 'Tuesday Morning' stays up. And onward I go. Made perfect in weakness. My weakness. God's amazing and perfect strength!